Professor MAD blesses the children.
A professional nonsense story written in the 3rd person by
Professor MAD, the owner of this website, you bitch.
A long time ago, there was a man, and this man’s will was also the will of the people and thus the people made him man and he was and now forever shall be a man with a man’s parts arranged in an order disclosed to the public in various speeches made at underattended PTA meetings (this was before parents were involved), this was during the global reign of Ho Chi Minh, or rather his reanimated corpse. He made it so whenever anyone had to choose between papaya or peppercorn, they would always choose the latter, for fear of retribution on behalf of the “tent-pole exterminator,” who, among other fantastic traits, had a penchant for murdering flies with their bare hands. SWAT! They would mush them and eat their blood. Savages! All of them. They took the armistice for granted. So they broke it.
When they did, all hell broke loose.
People were everywhere, but were particularly present in American shopping malls between 1986 and 1993. This was the “Golden Era.” After the stores were littered with candy bags and the like, Professor MAD took it upon himself to bless the children. They were so blessed, that they transcended into the ether. Never to be seen again, unless you look directly at Saturn following the solstice, you will see them repeating inappropriate jokes in a variety of extinct African and South East Asian languages. It was clear that Minh’s influences had continued to spread throughout the galaxy. This. Had. To. Stop.
Before the “chin-walkers” completed their pilgrimage to “Jurawaka,’ they made a phone call to at least nine televangelists. These nine legendary preachers would become known as the “Woo-Mochany Frabbits.” Together they sealed the great portal that permitted the free use of international and intergalactic ferries (only for commercial use at the time, until an amendment was passed in 2002, voted on by the Congress of Hope and Despair: Part II – The Return of Finok!). Feces was everywhere; it was quite the mess.
So they ordered in a crew of helpers to manage the fecal incidents, as they were becoming more prominent, especially in Minnesota, so all places. One of the great nine, Aprocropoloiusus reminded everyone that tax season was approaching, so they all took a break and went to the IRS. This is the exact moment when the children returned from the ether and; the great battle for the IRS would soon commence.
Blood was shed and sheep were sheared. Wool production increased tenfold. Now everyone has warm and fuzzy coats to hide their scars. But there was still feces everywhere. The problems continued to amount until Professor MAD took it upon himself once again to bless the children. This was a different lot, without all the defects of their predecessors. They transcended again but locked the ether with the help of one of the legendary nine preachers, Thanoxzarousofth. He died shortly after and his funeral was attended by a paid-group of sponsors because his opinions no longer garnered much public support and much of his family had relocated to Nebraska.
There is nothing more to say on this matter. It is considered canon and cannot be disputed. If you dispute it then you will receive a mail-order constipation kit. Enjoy it while the free-shipping coupon is still available.
